Friday, October 12, 2007

Mother-son Incest


I discovered today that at MaleSurvor.org there were postings about the lack of resources on mother-son incest. There is such a taboo that mothers can--and do--sexually abuse their sons. But they can--and they do! However there are few to no books about the subject.

I want to start talking on this blog about mother-son incest because it does exist and contributes to straight and gay sexual acting out.

Some of the sexual abuse by mothers causes men to seek out sex with other men feeling that men are safer than women. Again, this is not about homosexuality it is about sexually acting out trauma. And there are a number of reasons for this that I will discuss here on Straight Guise.

One of the reasons mothers sexually abuse their sons is misandry.

The following is an excerpt from my book, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love in chapter five on gay men and their relationships with their mothers. I have edited it to speak to any male who has issues with his mother.



In this society, it is taboo to speak ill of our mothers, so we either keep
silent or get judged negatively for doing so. By going against his mother, a
man
gets punished and called a misogynist. Perhaps, owing to the horrors of
sexism,
the culture has become too focused in one direction, looking only at
what men
have done to women. It may be time, however, to examine what women
do to
men—especially mothers raising the boys who ultimately grow up to hate
women.
Somewhere our mothers play a part in engendering this negativity.
When
someone disparages his mother, why is our wondering whether she is
at fault met
with disapproval? We allow sons and daughters alike to
criticize their fathers,
and our discomfort over their negative talk is
considerably less than the public
outcry when the topic switches to Mommy
Dearest.
Society reveres anything
associated with “mother”—Mother Earth,
Mother Nature, and the celibate,
childless Mother Teresa. Especially in the
mental health field, when we examine
a child’s early infancy, we focus on
the mother, talking about the time and
attention she devotes to nurturing
her baby. During the child’s first year of
life, the father is rarely the
primary caregiver. I am sure this will change as
more fathers, particularly
gay men, join in the care and rearing of their
children. But until then,
talk about child-rearing usually focuses on the
mother.
Herein lies the
source of the social mantra “Love your mother.” No
one wants to believe that
a mother could not love her children. No one wants to
hear about how a
mother can lack maternal instinct. Those who speak out about
their mothers
abusing them or being indifferent maternally to any extent will
often not be
believed and find themselves accused of betraying their
mothers.
Mother
attachment runs so deep that in Necessary Losses, Judith
Viorst writes, “A
young boy lies in a hospital bed. He is frightened and in
pain. Burns cover
40 percent of his small body. Someone has doused him with
alcohol and then,
unimaginably, has set him on fire. He cries for his mother.
His mother has
set him on fire.”
Viorst goes on to describe the difficulty of separating
from one’s mother: “. . . it doesn’t matter what kind of mother a child has
lost
or how perilous it may be to dwell in her presence. It doesn’t mater
whether she
hurts or hugs. Separation from mother is worse than being in her
arms when the
bombs are exploding. Separation from mother is sometimes worse
than being with
her when she is the bomb.”
You can love your mother, not
want to hurt her,
and at the same time tell her how you feel about her even
when it is not all
good. Often, it’s the father who leaves the children and
the mother who
sacrifices her life for them, so it makes sense that she’s
protected and often
given a pass when she behaves badly. Our society even
protects mothers who have
mistreated or killed their own children; usually,
a group joins to create a fund
to help these mothers. Rarely is the same
done for fathers who mistreat their
children. But this makes sense, since
mothers are often there for her children
and the bond between them is very
tight.

More about mothers who sexually abuse their sons and how this manifests later.

There exists one book on this topic of mother-son incest called The Broken Taboo by Hani G. Miletski (Author)

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank your for raising this taboo topic. We need men to write for men about men here...no offense to our 'hero', Hani Miletski but no woman has a clue about how boys, young men and men feel about mother-son incest. Thanks for beginning this discussion but please point me to straight men who write for straight men about this. I will be back to respond to some of your questions which are great questions but I desperately need heterosexual men who are brave enough to face this taboo.

Anonymous said...

My abuse occurred not by my mother but by several women older than me.
It started when I was six years old, it occurred while I was under my mother's care,and ended when my mother died and I was brought to an orphanage.
I didn't become gay, or a woman hater.
All the women who were involved had something in common....they needed love, physical love from someone they knew wouldn't used them, someone who had no agenda.
What did this early encounter do to me? It would probably take a book to explain it in the detail that most morons could understand.
Short version, I became the guy who was able to recognized vunerable women, women who (wanted??) needed physical love, and I provided that service. Not for money, but it was something I felt I had to do. This continued until I turned twenty and began to realise this was not they way to be. Now I suppose I could have spent thousands of dollars on a professional trying to find out why I hated my parents when in fact I did not hate them.
I started reading every book I could and to study in depth ALL forms of Taboo and my studies continue even today(the internet is an amazing tool)I readily hand my research over to up and coming students seaking information on various subjects, and when I do not have the information often volunteer to do the research for them so their names will not be tarnished.
My research has shown me that the problem is not the individual, but rather the witch hunt mentality of society. Here I am just as guilty, as I have acted in the role of crusader many times when I felt I was protecting society from evil.
I am brave enough to face the taboo, is anyone brave enough to listen.

Anonymous said...

I believe the sweetest sexual relation is of mother and son.ihave been practicing it for more than 20 years.We love each other,both as lovers and parent child.who says we cant love our mother aswoman.We have been taught that sex is somehow dirty and violent,so we cant have it with our beloved mom.Thereis akindof harshness in sexual act,but sois alot of pain in giving birth to children.but noone says itis sick and unhuman .Ilove my mother most of all,and our relation began when iwas 22.Ibelieve even if this type of incest begin at an early age,there is not any pain or humiliation in the mere act of sexual relation between mother and her underage son.Idont say everyone should doit,but if you realy have this capacity to love your mom as a woman too,you couldnt be sick.

Anonymous said...

My mother and I had an incestuous relationship. It began one night when I was 14. I couldn't tell u how it started, one minute we were sitting on a couch talking, then the next we were in her bed. My mother never forced me, it was mutual. It lasted for 8 years. I moved away to college, she remarried, and I have gotten married. For the first time in 11 years we brought it up. We both do not have any regrets about what we did. We started having sex at a time when we were fighting alot. If anything, being lovers made us closer and I trully believe helped us. I am not damaged, neither is she. To say that all incest is bad is wrong. I think it depends on the situation.

Anonymous said...

I agree with what the last 2 writers have said. I think there is nothing wrong with sex between a mother and son. My mother and I started having sex when I was 16. My father had left us when I was 4 and my mother was a single beautiful woman. I asked her questions about sex one night, and we ended up making love. Neither of us felt any guilt or shame. Let me make one thing clear. There was never any manipulation or force used. I do not consider my self abused. My mother encouraged me to date even though we were lovers. It's been 20 years and my mother and I still are lovers. We live together and share our bed everynight. We are not hurting anyone, and are both consenting adults. We just happen to be a mother and son who fell in love.

Anonymous said...

I am an incest survivor. While some people may have had good experiences with incest, mine was not. My mother began raping me when i was 12. She would get drunk, then come in my room and force me to do things to her. When I refused, I was beaten so severely, I was too scared to refuse. By the time I was 14, not only was I being forced to have sex with my own mother everynight, but when she was done, she would help hold me down so her boyfriend could take his turn on me. The abuse finally stopped when my mother ended up pregnant and was forced to admit at the hospital the child could be a product of incest. The state finally stepped in and took me away to a foster home. After 25 years of therapy, I have a great life for myself. I do not know where my mother is. I am here to tell u that incest is no joke and the consequences are serious

Anonymous said...

I am the mother of 2 children, a girl 18 and a boy 16. I am of the opinion the incest is not always harmful. In high school one of my friends was sleeping with her brother. She is now happily married and has children of her own. My neighbor's sister-in-law has a sexual relationship with her own son. Both are happy and he does well in school and is popular.
While I don't think I could ever have sex with my own son, there have been times when I did think of him in a sexual way. I think most mothers have passing sexual thoughts about their sons.

Anonymous said...

I am a 23 year old man. My mother and I have been practicing incest for the last 2 years. My mother did not force me to have sex with her. It was my choice and her choice. We both understand what we are doing, but we are both consenting adults. Recently, we have admitted to falling in love with each other. We have decided to move out of state to start over so we can be a couple in public. Although we know that we will not be able to tell people we are mother and son, we will be able to express our feelings for each other openly. If 2 people are consenting adults why does it matter that they are related?

Anonymous said...

I have never had sex with my mother but I would not have turned it down. She was beautiful and caring. It was always a fantasy. In the right situation, it could be a great experience.

Anonymous said...

Sick people, sick

Anonymous said...

If there is nothing disgusting disturbing SHAMEFUL and wrong about all your actions, why not place your names up here instead of Anonymous ?

Anonymous said...

My son and i have been together for many years. We are very happy it is a very loving relationship. We began when he was in his teens it just happened no one was drunk or anything like that it was and is mutual, consentual and very loving. We see nothing wrong about it, yes he did date some girls but always came back to me saying "I love you Mother and I want to be with you Mother not anyone else".
I can't refuse that, yes someday I will be gone he says that does not matter. So here we are very much in true Love and real Happiness.

Anonymous said...

I really struggle with the word 'abuse'. I realize that we are all different, with different experiences and stories to tell, but as a male I was not forced into anything. My sexual arousal was an obvious giveaway about my feelings. Everything that happened between me and my mother was consensual. There was anxiety and nervousness to begin with, but we both recognized, between us, our reluctance to back away from what was happening. There was a sense of inevitability about how we came together.
Are there any consequences from what happened? The answer is 'yes'. My private moments and dreams see me returning to those early beginnings, and I hold my hand up an admit that I am an incest obsessive. In straight monogamous relationships, which I have had, it is possible to move on, but incest is much deeper than t hat, in my experience at least.But can I handle it, and would I change anything if I could go back over time? The answer is 'yes', and' no'. I look upon it as the most intense and satisfying sexual relationship of my life. I don't know how this reads for other people, but I am being as brutally honest as I can about my feelings.

Anonymous said...

wow some these relation sound more caring and loving than most married couples

Anonymous said...

I am an incest victim. My mother abused me from age 4 to 14. She would regularly fondle my genitals and make me erect. Ad then let me go with an erection. I hated her for it for many years. But now looking back I realize I did find her touch pleasurable. In fact, by playing with my genitals she did give me a number of dry orgasms. So, I no longer hate her. She did all this to me because my father could not satisfy her, so she was taking out her frustration on me.